I have been creating art for a very long time. It’s been a very tumultuous relationship, in that it has not been a straight line. A linear journey of finding something I love, pursue it, become great, continue to live creatively, experience only joy, the end.
Oh it has been a much bumpier ride, with twists and turns. Dead ends. A maze with a thousand doors with no guide book, or choose your own adventure type information. Not at all. Would I change it? Yes, probably in some respects, given the opportunity again, I would have chosen the other doors. But as they say, it couldn’t of happened any other way, because it didn’t
There are a lot of reasons why things happen the way they do. I know now, that had I been given the same opportunities now back when I was 20, I would have not had the confidence to pursue them. Or the maturity. I had to go the long way in order to really see myself.
A lot of what has held me back, is me! Yes, I am the problem it’s me! (Thanks Queen Tay Tay) Whenever I reached a milestone with my art even at a young age, I would give up and not look at it again for another 6 months. I would wrestle with the idea that this was a hobby and I had to put my efforts into real things. School and work. What I didn’t realise until very recently, is that this is the very opportunity that I had been offered all those moons ago. It is getting harder, and here is the challenge, if you walk through the door, you are accepting the challenge and what lays ahead could be the next big thing for you. Or take the door of least resistance, the one you always take. There is no challenge, it’s definitely easier. But there is no change. You continue the path you are already on.
This kind of behaviour has played out in a lot of areas of my life. Not all. I have made some major decisions and experienced a lot of wonderful things. But it is only now that I am interrogating the different areas of my life to see what can change. What is no longer serving me? What is keeping me small? How can I take the leap to create the life that I actually want. What little habits and rituals have got me here, but now I need to change up to move differently and move into a new phase. It also means identifying the things that are working and to continue with those.
One major shift is not giving up creatively when things get hard. I know now, from having great mentors and an art community that right when it feels like nothing is working, is exactly the point to keep pushing through to create something wonderful. It is difficult. I promise you. The fear sets in and makes everything else more important than the actual thing.
I am not sure if you have noticed, but lately my work is going in three different directions. Abstracts botanicals, mini interiors and still life paintings. This has been the source of so much frustration, and joy. Where do I fit in this art world? What direction should I go? I have galleries and stockists to maintain relationships with, so what do they want from me? Should I be perfecting one of these? The answer to these questions I still do not have. But, what I do know is the answer is somewhere in the tension between all three. Am I an abstract artist, or a quirky still life painter or am I the creator of mini realist interiors? or am I a just an Artist, one that is exploring all areas to ensure I don’t miss the right door this time.
As I continue on this journey of discovery, I am going to share as much as I can, where I explore my art and simply just see what happens.
What ever shall be shall be.
My biggest lesson is that in that moment when it begins to get too hard, is actually the moment to keep pushing through.
I hope you are creating in some way, in your world.